Constantly

I hate having to think about the future.
I hate having to worry about money or have I saved enough this month to pay all the bills
I hate that I'm not famous yet
I hate the roles I'm given and the fact that good ones are passed to idiots will smaller waist lines.
I hate having to be somebody's maid and wash their socks for each show
I hate having to smile and say everything is alright
I hate my ex-boyfriend for not calling me once to find out how I am
I hate him for not even trying
I hate not having my dad around to lean on
I hate kissing you and never knowing if you'll ever be mine
I hate how the voices in my head taunt me constantly
And I'm tired
Just so tired and scared
I'm so afraid of the future and I don't even want to be around to see it.
One day.
One fine day I'll find the courage to walk off that ledge.

I'm not good with rejection, so please look straight at my gun

So to all the fellas who've walked in and out of my life. For using me and tossing me aside. For making me feel like shit. For making me doubt myself. For making me beg to exist. For taking my fucking life savings and leaving me back at square one. For making me hate myself. For making fall in love with you and then not loving me back. For wasting my precious time. Fuck you. Fuck all of you. You loose. I'm not with any of you anymore and I won't let you hurt me anymore. Thanks for being total jerks. I hope you all rot in hell.